I have two stories about one guy I used to know. He was perpetually drunk though it never stopped him from driving anywhere. One time he got caught for DUI by a foot patrol officer, who saw him driving erratically down the main street of town at a very slow speed.

When told to "pull over, driver!" he drove his car up onto the sidewalk and crashed it through the plate glass windows of a large department store.

Lucky for him it was late at night and nobody was injured. His blood-alcohol reading was above 4% -- an incredible figure in itself.

This same driver, again leglessly drunk, was driving towards a bar/restaurant where he was to meet me and a few friends. The road to the place (a landmark building, brightly illuminated at night) is at the end of a long, straight road that has a sharp deviation immediately before it which crosses a canal. Dumb drunk, seeing the lights straight ahead, drove straight into the canal. It didn't stop him from getting to the party though, and he appeared covered up to his chest in thick, black mud.